More Sweet-Tea Stories...

Now that I'm on the topic of sweet tea, I may as well just keep the ball rollin'. What will follow is one man’s feeble attempt to provide a guide to connoisseurs of true tea. In my travels, I will document the quality and the availability of sweet tea across the country. I will use a simple rating system, known as the “ah”. The more “ahs”, the better the tea. For example, if the movie Casablanca were a glass of sweet tea, it would receive a lofty “5-ahs” rating. On the other end of the spectrum, the Jessica Simpson version of Dukes of Hazzard would receive a dreaded “½-ah”. (Her legs were the only thing that kept this from being a complete “ZERO-ah” performance.)

I’ll start with The Crazy Crab, in Hilton Head, South Carolina. The Crazy Crab is more famous in the Lowcountry for another southern delight, the hushpuppy. But just as compelling as a reason to visit is the thirst-quenching power of this fried-food paradise’s sweet tea. While not overpoweringly sweet, it’s enough for a Southerner to know that they are indeed in the land of the original Secession. Simply marvelous: 4¼-AH’S

Next up on the tour of tea, we’ll stop in the home of the most prestigious of golf ‘toon-ah-ments’ ('tournaments' for all you Yankees)…Augusta, Georgia. Just behind Augusta National Golf Club, off of Wheeler Road, is an important landmark. No, not from the War of Northern Aggression (Northern textbooks often mistakenly refer to this skirmish as the ‘Civil War’.) However, while not a landmark of this stature, this landmark HAS made a great impression on taste buds throughout the state. Wife Saver Chicken, which I believe is now on the National Registry of Historic Fried Chicken Establishments, has sweet tea available in half-gallon and gallon jugs for carry out with your ten-piece box and dinner rolls. Yes, the chicken is greasy (but absolutely scrumptious). No, the “sides” would not appear on a Healthy-Choice menu. But that’s not what we’re here to review. The tea is, simply put, fantastic. For instance, the sugar content is high enough to reasonably believe that if you accidentally left a glass in the July sun for two-days, the tea would evaporate leaving a tasty tea/sugar-crystal lollipop. Not to mention that it is obvious that it is authentic, because when you receive the jug of tea, it’s almost too hot to handle, and yet to be diluted with precious ice cubes. That’s YOUR job! Honestly, top-of-the-line Sweet Tea: 5-AH’S

Last in our first chapter of reviews, is Shorty Small’s Great American Restaurant in Little Rock, Arkansas. This establishment, with it’s roadhouse / barn atmosphere and it’s waitresses with southern accents so sweet that their actual drawls might be used to make the desserts, serves up a glass of tea that is worthy of the name. Unlike many sweet tea’s served in the Carolinas and Georgia, a quarter of a lemon was already floating in my tea when it arrived. Most traditional sweet teas don’t need lemon, and you’ll only get it if you ask. This citrus addition was cause for a definite deduction in points. But this deduction was countered with the fact that the tea was served in those translucent brown, wrinkled-skin texture cups that one can only find in mid-level barbecue or pizza joints. The only better presentation for a true glass of sweet tea is in an honest to goodness Mason jar. Oh yeah... the food was good too. Nice touch Shorty: 3¾-AH’S

Next tea reviews: (1) The Ramp Raw Bar; Fort Pierce, Florida, (2) Archie's; Hutchinson Island, Florida & (3) Wherever my truck stops next on the highway to enlightenment.

See Y’all Next Time,
“Sweet” Lefty